KC, all I know about you is what I read here, and what I read here is a desperate cry for help from a person that is driving at blinding speed down a course of self-destruction while trying to paint it as self-improvement. This man physically and emotionally abused you and even now that he's gone and in another relationship, he still has an extremely strong hold over you that you seem powerless to escape. I'm honestly afraid for you, at best the emotional trauma from this will likely last the rest of your life, at worst your husband's violence or his girlfriend's anger may make that life unnaturally short.
We've said over and over again to seek professional help. And your response is always that you had a bad experience. When I was a kid I had an extremely traumatic experience with a dentist that involved physical and emotional abuse. As horrible as it was, I still needed dental care, and sought it elsewhere and have since had many really good dental experiences. You are dealing with serious emotional issues and there are many great doctors out there that can put you on a path to healing. Don't let a past bad experience stop you from getting the help you so desperately need.
