It's hard for me to detach because I feel it is worse for the kids if we move to a parallel parenting approach, but at least for now, I don't see a better way. I need to detach, let go, set boundaries, and stop renting out free headspace to my STBXW over these issues.
Hi Unchien,
Originally Posted by unchien
She has been demanding to know my availability so she can schedule activities (rather than just propose activities).
Does the label you use--"co-parenting" or "parallel parenting"--change this situation? Why do you feel angst over saying "No"? I'd say "No" even though my ex and I get along well. In general, it's none of her business what my schedule is beyond the agreed-upon custody schedule. Okay, I'd probably actually evade with, "Why do you ask?", and allow her to propose whatever she had in mind.
Originally Posted by unchien
In the past, she used my schedule as part of her argument for why it was okay for the kids not to see me for regular 10 day stretches.
Sounds like baggage. Can you let go of the past, and just say yes or no to the present request?
Originally Posted by unchien
She also has encouraged my kids to ask me to change our custody schedule, which we just spent over a year in court over.
Mine did that, too. "That's a Mommy and Daddy talk. Mommy and Daddy both agreed to this schedule." I refused to engage my kids on that topic. It came up after every handoff for like 3 months.
Originally Posted by unchien
In one recent case, she had D7 excited about going to an activity during my parenting time before asking me. So then I'm in the position of either asking my boss to work a half day once a week, or disappoint D7.
Wow, that's low and manipulative. You won't easily escape this game, either, but I can see why you may wish to reduce communication with her to the most essential items. That might be a wise approach until she reduces the manipulation and you're triggered less by her requests.
