Agree with the others. Do not contact the OW. You have zero guarantee you'll find out anything true. And if you do-- like WF said, there is harm in knowing too much. I wish I knew waaaaay less about my H's affair and how he felt about her. I really wish I could scrub my brain of a lot of it. It sticks with you.
Also, as $hitty of a human being as the OW is for engaging in an A with your H-- your H is really the one you should be worried about. What do you know now? He's a liar and a cheater. You need to really, truly accept this. Maybe he won't always be this person, but this is who he's been and this is who he is right now. What can talking to the OW tell you that matters more than these basic truths? I'd spend some time here, if I were you. Just sitting with this knowledge and thinking about what it means for you and what you want to do going forward. I think it can be helpful in detaching for sure. (It helped me.)
I really really really wanted to contact my H's AP. I did not. I did, however, write tons of letters to her that I never sent, but it helped to get them off my chest. (Full disclosure-- I *still* want to write her or call her or have my H write her, and tell her that he never really loved her and she was a horrible mistake. I know this is not mature or sensible of me, and therefore am not pursuing this avenue. But just to say I totally get the impulse.)
What can you do for yourself, today? I know this is a big hurtful thing to find out and probably once you get through your adrenaline rush of anger and wanting to call the OW, you're going to crash and a lot of feelings will probably hit you. Let yourself be angry and grieve. You deserve it.
May22 - thankyou for your input. I already did it (read my previous post, it seems you and I were posting at the same time)
I must say I am concerned I will crash. Because I cant really afford to right now. I dont have any real emotional support except for IC.
