This community has been amazing and such a source of strength for me.
BL24, Only Bent, WF, SteveLW and 97 Hope I apologise in advance but I went ahead and TM anyway before any of you got a chance to give me your 2x4s and advice.
I did think about it, I really did and the sole reason I finally decided to reach out despite my original need to want all the facts was because I just wanted them to know that I know. I knew there was nothing else I could potentially get out of it because let's face why would anyone want to be honest about this?
I was very polite when I tm'ed- WF because I already thought of them trying to use this against me in some way...she seemed willing to chat at first. We even scheduled a time for the following day. But then she did let H know who promptly told me she has been "instructed" not to communicate with me. So I have left it.
The irony being my H did pull the "I cant believe you went through my stuff" line with me. Made me a laugh considering everything that has been discussed here recently.
I suspected that despite last week's "breakup" that they reconciled previous to this based on his actions over the weekend and if he is waffling with me, Im guessing he is doing the same with her, again the emails I found indicated H had been on and off with her before. So its not like I was the catalyst for their reunion if that is indeed what happened. Nor do I care.
I have asked my L to initiate the property settlement, in aust talk that means seperation of assets. That is not a divorce, if thats what he wants he can apply for it. But given everything especially his gambling I think it's prudent I take action to protect myself.
He has been banned from sleeping over here or spending any amount of extended time and because of lockdown I had already stopped the kids going over his apartment because he was in a high risk area. I still wont allow it. He has been taking the kids to nearby parks for the past three days.
I also wont allow him to talk to me unless its via email or TM.
In terms of any reconciliation attempts... well all he has given me so far is BS. So I have decided Im just not going to think about it. I don't care. Right now I feel like to heal I need to be angry Michka who takes charge and control. This is something I have been really fighting with all year because we have always clashed over this. Previously when I have wanted to menu plan, budget, create any sort of schedule so we can both have time to ourselves and get stuff done or just pay off the mortgage before I die - he has either resisted or just simply disengaged.Even when I was trying to "fix" this pre discovering MWD, in theory he agreed, he just never followed through. He has always stated we are both alphas and thats why we clash. I think with hindsight I can simply see he was just selfish and entitled and resisted anything that would make him do work or sacrifice. This attitude is what I believe led to all this.
I feel better, I feel almost free. I think one of the biggest things to come from all this is earlier on we had an incident which led me to calling the police and he was charged as a result. He kept going on and on about how I broke him that day, I betrayed his trust, how I caused so many issues as a result... well the irony being he was claiming that day "I" was having an affair and thats what led to the whole mess. I lost so many nights of sleep over that day, wondering if i made the right choice, if i ruined any chances of us being together. Well now I feel nothing. His actions caused that day and the whole chain of events, he can deal with the consequences.
