It's unfortunate that the funny, quirky stories have now turned tragic, but not surprising to you I'm sure.
I second what bttrfly said. My son has struggled greatly with the same issues: will I be like dad, will I do this to my family, can I ever be in a relationship with someone. He has been seeing a male counselor for a couple of years now that he is very comfortable with. They talk a lot about how son wants to be, how he wants to treat people, what kind of man he wants to be. My son has improved immensely. He is managing his moods very well and can calmly discuss the things that bother him now.
I struggle to understand these men. If I suddenly announced I was dating a 25 year old man, the logical assumption would be that he was using me for my resources; yet these men seem to feel flattered by being used financially from hard-up women. I find it somewhat humorous that the guy I supported for 25 years is now shacked up (and likely working on divorce number two) with a woman he supports full time on half his former pay (I will take action when and if the job situation miraculously improves).
Yes, happy to be separated from the antics. My guess is that 17 yo son will distance himself from dad even further when he goes away (mine said he would engage with them when free of my toxic influence--despite that they have phones, email, and know how to call and type--not so interested in dead old dad whether I'm around or not as it turns out). Maybe some day these guys will realize that the kids are old enough and smart enough to decide for themselves whether they want these leavers in their lives. At some point the hope is that they will really move on as they claim to have done and lead honorable lives that their children want to be part of. Probably not, but hope springs eternal.
I'm sorry for the angst this has given you and hope that barring these unpleasantries from your past that things are going well.
