I suppose I have way too much empathy but I choose not to call my STBXH names. For starters it doesn't make me feel better and then what does it say about me??? I spent a decade with a dirtbag???

It's not my style.

I got to a point where I'm okay with D. Don't want it but I won't die from it. All that needs done is for my employer to get health care for me... everything else is done, agreed upon and printed.

The change in my STBXH texting about a sex dream I was in was certainly strange and unexpected. He's never learned in like that before in the last 18 months.

I waited a couple of days and sent some texts... that were well received. I'm an adult and I'm aware of my choices. After 48hr of hard core flirting I chose to meetup at 4am at an intersection of 2 highways under a 4 way flasher for some seriously hot and raunchy sex in a car.

I had no expectations.

He seemed really sweet before he left with small talk, opening the door and a goodbye kiss... things I never thought I'd see from him again.

It didn't bother that I didnt hear from him... who knows what inner turnoul he is dealing with. I just had to get through till Monday to hop my flight for my vaca... which is amazing!!!

After 5 days I pondered... is he ghosting me? Or does he think I'm ghosting him? There was some humility befor ghosting him.

Having no expectations and being completely at peace if he got what he wanted and he was done I reached out teasing him about ghosting me... his response was he was starting to think I was ghosting him... so he's a little insecure...

He was then all... how are you, how is vaca, blah blah blah. He started opening up more about himself and not just 3 word sentences. He's had some serious health issues lately and is dealing with a lot of chronic pain. From what I can gather he is spending all his free time out of his house and volunteering physical labor at a veteran campsite.

I didn't want the convo to drag out so I said I have to be on the beach 30min before sun up so I need some sleep... he was very sweet in wishing me goodnight.

I have no expectations.

I'm prepared that the next time we talk it might be about the D.

It just doesn't matter anymore. I'm at peace and I regret nothing... he was more my booty call than the other way around... lol