So full disclosure, I don't know if you read through my sitch or not but I did contact OW. And OW did contact me. I'm not particularly detailed about it because: it wasn't exactly one my finer moments, it happened before I started reading DB or participating on this board, also my sitch was a little different than others in that I knew what was happening literally as it was unfolding. I knew what was happening before even my H did, so my contact with OW was before things went completely off the rails, before it was PA, before H had decided he was going to leave me for her. Other reasoning on why I didn't share much being: OW lived relatively close to us, OW was a friend of the family (my H's family) and was always kind of on the outskirts of our lives together, there but not there until she wasn't so my ability to contact her was easy even if I didn't figure out her phone number. Also, OW had a long term live in BF that I and H were very aware of and I had multiple ways to contact him as well as it's a small world even in a mid sized city. Lastly, it is strongly recommended by MWD in her infidelity stuff and this board to under no circumstances contact the AP.
I will strongly, strongly suggest you follow that advice. This late in the game it will do you no good. You won't get the closure you seek. You won't get the answers you seek. You won't get any satisfaction from the interaction at all. Much like R convos with a WS/WAS this will absolutely not go the way you want it to, and it will definitely not go in your favor. OW has absolutely no incentive to tell you the truth. She has zero reason to be reasonable in the event of actually accepting your call. And if you keep getting her voice mail or something and repeatedly call her she could file a harassment charge on you.
As I've told you it's your H's job to clear these things up for you. If there is to be a R he will have to come clean. If you don't, well you're going to have to live with his story or the story you're creating with the facts you have. No one gets clarity or the closure they really want. Even those who do R because at some point you have to stop talking about it. And my personal opinion being a WW in my first MR and an LBS in my second is that you don't want all the information that you think you do. Go back and look through may22's thread from like a year-year and half ago. Her H could literally not stop barraging her with info about the affair once the truth about it was out there. It takes a toll on your psyche. That is not your burden to bear and as much as you think you want ALL the answers, trust me my friend you don't.
