97- Oh yeah it was a sh!tshow for months in my house. His entire personality changed. I was blessed with having a crappy childhood with a narcissist step-father so I could see H's BS a mile away. And my default is fight not cry so there were a lot of I guess we call them truth darts, even before I started DBing, because I wasn't going to be manipulated. Go ahead and pretend you're not having an affair, but you're not making me think I'm crazy in the process. When he couldn't win the you're crazy I'm not doing anything wrong fight he turned it into the you always have to be right and that's part of the reason I'm not happy in our MR fight. Which in reality had/has some merit, but in crazy pants land I literally was right the whole time so it was pretty irrelevant.
M- being locked in makes everyone's emotions high, and a WH/WAH is running on the emotional levels of a teenage girl. You're doing a great job of focusing on you and the kids and trying to DB which trust me I know is hard being locked in together. There are just a few things you need to consider. 1) how long are you willing to wait out his waffling. You don't need to decide that right this second, but giving yourself a deadline really helps with dealing with the stress of an IHS. Knowing you have a point at which you will take the future of this MR into your own hands is a kind of light at the end of the tunnel 2) brush up your boundaries. Go read the boundaries thread. Take some time to think about things you're done with. Think about some things that you just don't have the energy to fight over. Make concessions that'll make your life, or your kids' lives easier, even if it seems like you're giving in a little to H's circus. Stand firm on your lines in the sand. 3) See what you can do to help your oldest outside of the professional scope while you wait. Sometimes it's as easy as more hugs or a little more 1 on 1. Sometimes it's way more complicated and they are having big feelings that really only a professional to help both of you manage better is the only option. If he can articulate it and you can relieve some it great. If he can't, you're his mom, you clearly know what's up, you'll get this figured out eventually. And cut yourself and kiddo some slack. Kids get moody. Kids go through weird sleeping and eating phases. It's entirely possible that what's going on has nothing to do with the two of you and this is something short term that is totally unrelated. 4) Keep your sights on detachment. WS/WAS love to try to bring other people on their ride with them. Misery lovvvveeeesss company. The stronger you get the easier it will be to wait out the waffling.
You seem to have a pretty good head on your shoulders M. Just keep it up. You're doing great.
