I've had a hard time getting online. Seems the pages won't load and I get time out errors. So fingers crossed this post gets through.
CWarrior, it's not really the age difference that bothers me, I mean, I dated a guy that was 13 years older than me before. But for anything longer term, I think I'd need to be 5-7 years difference in age at the most. It's true that age is just a number but there is no denying that different ages have different life experiences and reference points. I'd prefer someone who is more aligned to mine. That's all. The other thing about this guy, is he could be gay. I can't tell (and I have gay family members), so that makes it even more confusing. My friend met him the other day and I asked what she thought and she thought he's gay (and was confused when I told her I had interest vibes off him). Who knows, I try not to judge books by their covers. He could certainly be bisexual too for all I know. What do I want? If there were any chemistry, I'd be interested in sex but not much more. I don't want a relationship at this moment. But I've never been the type to just have sex with strangers.
DnJ, you say wait a year to date. I don't disagree. But if we are separated a year and the divorce drags out a year, etc, etc, who wants to wait that long? I certainly don't want that. I do agree that you shouldn't until you are ready, and I think that should be the guide. You have to commit to yourself to spend the time on the work and on being happy alone. If you have done that and feel you are ready then you could be ready. I do feel that I will also find some healing in my next relationships too. Avoiding them isn't the answer...doing the work on yourself I think is. So I plan to do that first, and I hope I am already doing that. But I am not going to stop meeting people if it comes up and an interesting option comes around... That's just me.
As for the numb/limbo feelings I'm feeling right now, reading your post is comforting, thank you. I'm going to do the work as I feel it, take breaks as I feel it, and just try to follow my heart and my body each day. I don't want to rush things, but I also don't want to avoid things. I'm sick of where things are, but I also realize not that much time has passed. It's a very uncomfortable place to be.
97Hope, thank you for also being in my corner. The behaviors that come out at this time are so confusing. I actually think my STBXH is a covert narcissist (or has some tendencies). I think he will continue to be nice to me as long as it suits him. And when it doesn't, I expect to either be ignored or get anger. I've accepted that I don't know this person (at least who he is now), so I am just doing my best to be my most gracious self and to not engage in any negativity with him. I think I have also come to realize is that I will continue to be confused by his behavior. There are no answers for me. At least not anytime soon.
As for getting the looks, I'll take them! ha! And if they are younger it is flattering!
El
Me 52, H 56 T10 M7, 2nd MR for both 2 Step Sons (19 and 21) BD: Fall 2020 D finalized: July 2022 XH Married AP soon after D day.
