It was a financial advice column, and the writer was talking about not wanting to leave her house to her boyfriend in her will (bought when they were together but in her name only as he had bad credit, low income, and owed alimony to his ex). She wanted to leave the house to her son, with the requirement that her boyfriend be allowed to live in it until he died - the reason being, she didn't want his daughters to inherit anything. And the reason for THAT was, she had started dating the boyfriend while he was separated, and the girls hate her because they think she broke up the marriage (as in, the parents would have reconciled if she hadn't gotten involved).
This has been something I've struggled with - and gotten whacked at a bit here about.
If you form a new partnership, what are the limits of that? Do you fully integrate or do you keep boundaries? A colleague of mine had a tough time when her partner died because his kids wanted her out of the house she'd shared with him for decades.
One thing I've heard of that certainly bears investigation is charging your spouse rent while maintaining ownership of what is in essence the "marital home". Not sure legally where that falls. The marital home has special status under the law at least up here.
Originally Posted by kml
But it's a cautionary tale about what can happen if dating someone separated not divorced.
I certainly can agree with this.
The first woman I dated seriously "B" was separated and had been for several years. She told me that it was because both names were on the mortgage and that her ex wouldn't qualify for a new one - he was phenomenally bad with money - that they stayed married for that reason. They had been separated for several years, were dating other people and had not co-habitated in at least a few years. She did go up and stay in the guest room (no real reason to doubt this) from time to time to visit friends and go berry picking.
Soon after we split (she ended it) she was spotted around and about with her ex and I did find out that she moved back in with him "to take care of him because he'd gotten sick". Again - no reason to doubt this, but no reason to believe it either.
The second woman "S" had been split for I believe 7 years or so and always had vague answers about why she wasn't divorced. Even when I offered to front the money - which was one of her excuses - nothing was done. In hindsight I think she was and perhaps still is keeping him partially on the hook as a backup plan. Medical insurance was also a factor.
One of my cousins is separated from her abusive husband and is terrified of provoking him by asking for a divorce. She's been with her current partner for 6 or 7 years.
A neighbour just can't see the reason to bother getting a slip of paper and has been on her own for at least 15 years.
Some I think are eager to get into the dating world and get a new partner - so lots of reasons. But certainly a waving red flag.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
