WAW Hired a Divorce Coach (Cont9.)

[SteveLW]

I wholeheartedly disagree with you on the dating. The fact that you
The "I have to have a woman" tendencies is driven by a million years of evolution of man. If humans did not have these tendencies, our species would be extinct Jokes aside, I understand what you are trying to convey but if Scott's realization about how dating made him feel he does not need a woman to make him happy sticks, it should hopefully not be relevant moving forward.

MLC, I will probably ignore disagreements in the future because I do not think LBSs get much out of other posters arguing on their threads. But since I got called out specifically:

You may have missed it a few months back when Scott said he had a weakness when it came to women. As in always having to have one. His point was that his weakness in this regard was more than the usual "man needs woman" "evolution" thing you mentioned. That is what I was referring to. And no one ever said he should never date again. Just that he shouldn't be dating when he isn't ready to be D'd, as evidenced by telling his STBXW that he still doesn't want a D.

And then to hear how poorly she is doing made you feel better? Yeah.......I think that is your answer right there.

To add to this Scotty B I listen to a pod cast this weekend about the Buddhist interpretation of Love. If you truly loved your W you would never feel this way.

Are we still pretending that 'true unattached love' is a real thing?

I am not pretending anything. We aren't cattle. We can love someone and not be so attached to them that we want to stop breathing if they leave us (read the "You will not die" sticky thread!) As far as the word "true", that is an overloaded term that means different things to different people.

But for anyone else reading this, the state of attachment is not binary. There is no absolute on or off when it comes to attachment. Codependence, over-attachment, thinking you cannot possible live a moment without our your spouse is NOT healthy. You can be properly attached somewhere in the middle without being completely attached or completely detached.

P.S. Did you come in to give Scott advice? Or just to argue?