LH - I appreciate the advice. She hasn't filed but we got through our final mediation session on Monday and the attorneys are drafting paperwork.
I don't relish that she isn't doing well - but it made me feel better. There is a difference. One is logical and the other is emotional.
As for my STBEx, her MO is to go with the flow regardless of what she thinks or feels and her inner world is typically run by others. She needs help.
I reread some of the things you've posted. I agree with of it most of it. But I don't have a regret in reaching out to her on this one - I may have had a regret if I hadn't done it. So I'm good with that.
Steve - The website was down, at least on my end, for a couple of days - else I probably would have floated it here.
And yes, I see congruence - That's what's great. Its my inner world. She left me, I began to try to figure things out. I went out with some women and got a sense of what was out there. I realized I was going to be okay and that gave me a lot of confidence. I then began to realize that I can be pretty happy without a woman in my life, so I slowed the dating scene down and I'm losing interest. Maybe I'll change my mind again too. What awesome is I get to make those decisions for myself. It doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks. So that's pretty cool. And I figured some things out. That's really valuable for me.
LH - That is really interesting, the difference between Love and Attachment. That's probably accurate.
Originally Posted by AnotherStander
A lot of her feelings, whether good or bad, are temporary. She might dangle the carrot of reconciliation one day and then reel it right back in the next. You want to avoid pinning your own feelings on her swings.
AS � I completely agree. I was fully ready for a complete rejection and I wasn�t worried about it. Also, if she said she wanted to reconcile I would have needed to step back and really talk about what that meant. I did not feel like I was on her roller coaster, I felt in control of my emotions but also able to listen to her. And I wasn't trying to not feel anything, I was open to feelings and paying attention to them.
Originally Posted by AnotherStander
If she really does get to the point of wanting to reconcile, you won't have to read the tea leaves to figure it out. She'll tell you in no uncertain terms. .
Agreed. I have a feeling it could happen once I am completely closed down to the idea. I know that I�m healing, at my speed. I do wish she would come around sooner than later o
After the conversation with her and that I heard some pause in her voice, for the first time I could feel myself be unsure � Would I really want that life back? Or to have to do what it would take to make it work? I could feel that I wasn't so sure.
And being aware of how I feel is very new to me. I didn't start exploring feelings until about the last year because of counseling. The difference between logic and my feelings is something I continue to explore.
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Glad it helped. A lot of 2x4's get doled out on these forums, sometimes it's easy to forget that most of the people here are hurting and trying to work their way through this very difficult time, and need hope as much as or more than correction. And there is every reason to hope, people who have mastered DBing went on to better things whether they reconciled or not. No matter how much you are hurting now I completely and fully believe a year or two from now you will be a BETTER, HAPPIER person! It WILL happen, I can't guarantee you will reconcile but I can guarantee you will be in a much better place!
Well said. Thanks.
R2C � Great question. Last week I had a good day. I went to church, then went to brunch and took a book. I was there for two hours. After that I went home and jumped on my bike and went on a 33 mile bike ride. That felt good. Then I made myself dinner and watched a TV show. It was a good day.
I need to get myself a kayak to be able to take some other adventures on my own. This is a space I�m still working to play in - fun alone. On the weeknights I work out after work, and make dinner and then either read or watch TV. I find reading makes me feel better than TV, but both can be relaxing � but that doesn't generate �happiness�.
