Onward and Upward!

[97Hope]

Thanks, KML and D!! I just got home. I will be home for 3 days and then off to see the youngest graduate from basic training.

It was tough coming home tonight.

I have not traveled at all since the D, which means I haven't traveled since I live alone. It was a strange thing coming home to an empty house.

I'm sad. I had a house full of people and now it's just me. The timing of it all - youngest went to college last summer, eldest and middle had already moved out - and XH lives by himself now too.

I am taking a moment to grieve the loss. This isn't the life I had planned. I came home to a nice apartment, left exactly as I left it, but it's empty.

I know that this wave is not what it once was. I know that these feelings come less and less, but right not, I hurt.

I miss the sounds of people in my house. I guess being around my middle, is wife, and two grandsons for the past 4 days just hit different.

I was thinking about life on the plane ride home. I don't really want a relationship, but I would like to get better at not being lonely.

I know all of you here have been here, and I take great comfort on reading your stories and drawing strength from them.

I'm blessed not to watch XH flirt with anything that moves. I'm blessed that I don't wonder when he's going to leave/file/get a new AP....

I'm better now than when I had all of that crushing my spirit.

Just a sad night.

Tomorrow going to visit with my son, DIL and 2 grandsons that live close (45 min). They just moved into a new place. I'm excited for them, although it's on XH's property. He lives 20 minutes away.

XH texted me a few nights ago and asked for a picture of me and the new grand baby. I sent him one. He replied "I wish I was there". I will see him at the graduation next week, but I am not worried about it. Just staying strong, but still squishy enough to love from a distance.

I'm all over the place tonight. Glad to be in my own bed, but miss my kids. I guess it's no different than any other empty nest mom.

My good friend suggested I embrace my new life. I believe I am for the most part.

Hope all of you are finding the joy in the day. xo