None of this is going to be easy, or quick. You have to accept the reality of the situation before you and accept that while it's a hard road to travel you will reach the other side. You aren't alone. And this isn't the worst thing that has or will happen to you. This is one of many obstacles you've already traversed. Just slow down. You got this.
I can't quote your entire post, but please know that I am grateful for every word.
I don't know why I panic so much, it's just a reaction and one that I can't seem to prevent happening, but I can truly say that this has been the absolute worst time of my life, from somebody that I would have never thought would have done anything like this at all and I don't have a reference point for it in order to navigate through it. You mention that it won't be the worst and I don't even want to think about what that is going to look like.
You are right though, making the right decision for me that gets me a roof over my head and a different environment (in my book anyway) will be the start of healing. I'm doing this, but the issue I had was that my lawyer told me that the decision I made (which was the only one that I had available) would scamper part of my claim and that she advised to wait a few days, when everything was in motion and I needed to give notice on this place by the end of this week, otherwise I would have to pay more rent. But I've decided that that can be taken out of the deposit money at the end of tenancy and spoken to the agent at the other end - everything is fine.
I am sure that my lawyer has my best interests at heart, but I wondered if she knew the implications of her asking me to wait a few more days for the courts - that was a nightmare to think my way around that one. I hate this Vestibular condition as it really does stop me thinking when I need to think, leading to frustration also. It also makes me shake when I get stressed too. But after I had a bath this morning I solidified a plan and it worked out just fine and I started t calm down a bit more.
I will take you at your word that this is temporary - I know it is - but there just isn't a break between having to handle the sh!t before the next load comes in, that's all. It seems like there is stuff to be dealt with the entire time and I just need to have a break, just for a short while, a break in the thoughts that are creating this, it's a real effort.
Thank you again. Hopefully the worst of this is happening now and after that it will start getting better once I know the courts perspective - that will be the road paved out, I'm sure.
M(55), W(45) BD1: Apr-2011, BD2: 23-May-21, NC (15 June '21) Divorce Filed (16 July '21) --- When you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, you need to trust it's there.
