Regarding Ready to Change�s comment on validating our kid�s feelings even when it�s about us, this takes tremendous strength. I am far from perfect in this area.
Recently my older son expressed some deep rooted pain over our divorce. I made the very grave mistake of defending myself. I made it about ME and tried to one up my ex/blame him. My son verbally slapped me and told me he just needed me to validate him (HIS words!!!) and told me this was about him and his feelings.
I am thankful that he is strong enough to communicate his needs. I had to do a BIG mea culpa for making it about me. After doing a deep dive into my emotions I realize I did it because of my pain in seeing him in pain. And my tremendous anger at my ex for having a MLC, marrying his affair partner in secret within MONTHS (telling my kids not to tell me) and then divorcing his affair partner in 5 months and keeping that a secret from me. The two are separate issues.
Kudos to your d for expressing her pain. That takes courage. Your r with your d will improve if you can just validate her pain. See a therapist, talk to friends or gripe here about your own grievances.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
