I always appreciated when some folks who went through this process posted regular updates so I'm hoping to pay it forward.

Busy month so far ~ I had to move to a new rental home and had a week off with my kids. Lawyers are trying to hammer out the final settlement agreement (we already agreed to basic terms) which is taking awhile, and I still have some massive legal bills to pay. I'm hoping I can get my feet set in the next year and start saving money rather than hemorrhaging, and find a more permanent living situation once I have access to money (although the housing market is insane right now).

The conclusion of my intense D has taken away something that was a major energy drain, but also something to focus on. It's strange sometimes to NOT have to work on legal things.

I feel a little lost at times ~ sort of a "what is the point of all this?" (I am not religious) ~ but I've learned at those times to go make myself busy -- go for a run, contact a friend, etc. I'm realizing I need to work on building up a support network now that things are opening up again to make this more manageable.

Originally Posted by MLCxH
For example, you say she limited your time with the kids but what stopped you from refusing to move out of the house and accepting less time with the kids? As all the vets say, focus on your what you can control. This is true even in your process of healing and eventually forgiveness.


I 100% agree that one shouldn't move out of the house absent an extenuating circumstance. There was a game of chicken going on because of the content of my apology letter and her implicit threats to file an RO and move away with the kids, things that a court in my state would have granted immediately and I would have had to fight for years to dig out of. She was consulting with the top move-away L in our area. Maybe she was bluffing and would not have gone through with it, but there is no way I could have handled the anxiety and stress at that time. It was incredibly toxic and she seemed like a loose cannon in the counseling sessions we were attending.

I fully admit there was a piece of me that still hoped for R. It's hard to disentangle that from the legal issues at hand. Because I definitely was adding other justifications to move out which were based on R hope -- and those I admit were very poor reasons.

I don't know, somehow, two years later, things have worked out. I'm lucky and grateful. I made mistakes, I know, but it worked out. It could have been much worse.