Still learning, but leaning into the future...

[Elbereth]

Wow Sage, you sound so well and strong! Reading your post, I have some of the same feelings about my H and my marriage. Parts like this:

I don’t want to get into details, but H is not the person I thought he was, in any sense of the word. I know that D can bring out the worst in people, so I am allowing some wiggle room there, but there are some deep personality traits that I now see I unconsciously enabled and compensated for in our R. The freedom and sense of peace and happiness I now feel, nearly a year out from separation, as well as the complete absence of some mystery health issues I faced for years is enough to tell me that this is truly the right path for me and my future. All of this notwithstanding, I have had recent bouts of questioning my sanity and culpability, to an unhealthy extreme at times.

It's a hard thing to admit when we realize that we, consciously or unconsciously, enabled or compensated for the personality traits that turned out to be toxic with our spouses. And to identify the impact on our health and well being, and know that we allowed it to happen to us, even if we didn't realize it. Kudos to you for putting yourself first, for being graceful in the way you are moving towards your future but with your needs first in mind. And for recognizing the path you are showing your daughters. Stay true to yourself, continue to walk with grace and the future is yours.

Triggers, feelings, and sadness are all part of the process. Know that we are here walking this journey with you, sharing in your struggles and cheering you on! Stay strong! So happy to see your change and growth! You inspire me more than you will ever know!

El