Help! Need Advice please Part 2

[may22]

Just to add to BL and CW's points on this-- During the A, before I knew anything about it but just had had the ILYB conversation, we did MC for about six or eight months. It was a total check-the-box-on-the-way-to-divorce experience. My H was motivated to do this to be able to say he'd worked on the M and so found the MC, got it all set up, etc. We ended this because it was clear that he wasn't really interested in working on the M. He started seeing an IC on his own instead, ostensibly to work on his anger management issues (for which I bore a lot of resentment and felt was a root cause of our marital problems) but actually it was to work on his ambivalence about the A and our M.

Once he (finally) ended his A, I had MC obviously on my list of things that needed to happen eventually, but did not want to jump into it too quickly. We both did IC for about 3 months, took a six month break, and then started up MC last month. One of my mini-goals that I set but did not tell him about was that I wanted him to do the legwork on the MC. I would say it wasn't until three months ago or so that he started saying regularly that he thought MC would be a good idea on his own and let's get into it. I sat back and waited to see what would happen. We did talk about it several times (and I did say to him eventually that it would be nice if he figured it all out, since he'd done it once before when motivated to get Ded, so I was waiting to see when he had that same level of motivation to stay Med). And, it happened. But it TOOK TIME and I think it would have not been incredibly useful if we had started it before he was really ready. If I were you, I'd put the MC in the same category as piecing and simply not worry about it right now. If you get there, you'll have plenty of time to figure that out. For now, worry about you.

xx M