Divorce and Acceptance part 5

[Pax_luv]

Hiya friends!
Guess what!?! I’m officially-officially-officially divorced as of July 2! Never been happier about it.
Date of marriage: 7/2010, separation 6/2015, and divorced 7/2021.

Happy tears are pouring out of my eyeballs right now as I type this. That whole process was the most brutal experience of my life thus far and I know I’m going to be working through some things for years, I’m sure. Having 6ish years of sustained emotional and financial torture and hyper vigilance doesn’t just disappear over night but I’m feeling lighter these days and will continue to work through the triggers as they come. Sigh.

As for a life update, the process for freezing my eggs begins tomorrow with the initial labs. I’m terrified for the potential outcome and also hopeful that this might give me a fair chance at having a biological child.

The thought of forking out thousands and thousands of dollars for this process and procedure scares the living daylights out of me. I just landed on my feet and no longer live paycheck to paycheck... so I’m pretty nervous. It’s sickening actually. My insurance covers zero so it’s all out of pocket. And of course there’s no guarantee that it will actually work when the time comes. This is a huge gamble but I really want to have a baby one day and I’ve lost so many years of fertility.

Since the start of this whole divorce process I watched my dream of having 3 kids fade to 2, and now I’m just praying for one. My ex and I separated when I was 31 and now I’m about to be 38. Time is not on my side.

That said, I’m not at all opposed to adoption and know that I will have children one day even if not biologically. I know I’ll be a good mom.

If all goes well in the next few weeks, I’ll share the process on how this all came about... it is quite the story! Haha.

Other than that, things are a-ok. I feel like I’m finally living my life again. I’m ready to take some risks in my career and am looking for some advancement opportunities. I have a super good man in my life and I like him a lot. My friends are obsessed with him and my family really likes him too. (Far cry from the ex). I have really great and supportive friends and the family is all healthy and doing ok. Things are good in my little bubble. I’m very grateful.