Sorry to hear about your girlfriend moving out when everything was going so well.
I, too, found it odd she's working 60 hours, cooking, and doing laundry. Given the romantic relationship was going so well, I wonder if living with you meant more housework than living alone?
Moved in together after 2 1/2 months? Maybe it was a pandemic-induced thing, but otherwise - nope. Nope nope nope. You can't know someone well enough after that amount of time. Slow your roll.
(Says the woman who moved her current boyfriend in after only 3 months but ONLY because he was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer AND had just recently been laid off AND had no where else to go. What began as a mission of mercy for someone who would be dead in 6 months turned into 3 years of living with a loving but Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder man who can be - well - a bit of a pill to live with. )
Yes it was driven a lot by the pandemic actually. Now given that her work has picked back up, fact is it’s likely not ideal. Can we now in a non honeymoon phase go back to separate places and stay BF GF, guess we’ll find out.
I have a friend, married his wife after 2 weeks! They just celebrated 20 years together. I fully understand the rationale of dating rules, but I’ve experienced enough myself and heard from others that when it comes to relationships the craziest of beginnings could last while the most by the book courtships could fail miserably. After 2 divorces I’m living my life by what makes me happy.
Yeah, we've all heard stories like that. But FAR more frequent are the stories of people who married too quickly and then found out they weren't compatible!
Really, it takes time to get to know who someone is. Definitely at least a year, often more like 2 or 3. And while young kids might do impulsive things like that, when fully grown adults with some experience are jumping into living with someone that fast, it sends up GIANT red flags for me. Because among fully grown adults, the people who do that are much more likely to have unhealthy patterns or reasons. Like Love Addicts, who feed on the endorphins of infatuation (but can't stick around for the long haul when the infatuation wears off), or manipulators (like Andrew's hoarder girlfriend who presented herself one way but really just wanted to laze around and leech off of him), or drama addicts, or any number of other unhealthy attachments. While it can feel great that someone thinks you are the bees knees early in a relationship, it also can mean they love their FANTASY of who you are - which may or may not line up with the reality.
In this case, living together too early might have put too much pressure on the relationship. See how just dating each other goes.
Zero disagreement with what you said. Up until this space ask, my GF’s actions have matched her words.
I think living together made her feel married and trapped as the demands of the job she loves have increased as COVID has declined. I’m eyes wide open to the thought there must be an OM to have brought this about, but I have little behind subtle adjustments in her texts which tipped me to something being off. Then the more I’ve read and thought of us there are many more direct stressors in her life which could have brought this ask about. As I say I set cheating at the very beginning with her as an inexcusable. The GF who left me before her, I blocked her and dropped any and all trace of her from my life as soon as her last word was sent. They each have free will to do as they please. If my GF decides to leave, I will wish her well, continue on my path and see what my future has in store.
I hope we have the chance to continue but that’s not in my control.
Well she contacted me last night...by phone, in her car heading home from work. Said she wanted to end us. I said ok, I respect. I said I wish you all the best in the future, I love you...and she replied "I love you too". WHAT? I had to say if you love me then why are we ending. I don't recall the particulars from there, but suffice it to say she wasn't feeling it and as it went the thought occurred to me that if she truly loved me, she would not be letting me go. Once that thought crossed my mind, I let go and we ended the call.
There's a sermon out there that I'm particularly fond of. It helped me so much getting through my D and it's words and message continue to help me to this day. It's called "don't drown in shallow water." Two phrases from that sermon resonate with me as these relationships I have come and go. 1) "Stop grieving over the boat" and 2) "You can't be saved by what it was, you can only be saved by what it is" If anyone is reading this in pain or stuck trying to move forward, I encourage you to look for it online.
Well she contacted me last night...by phone, in her car heading home from work. Said she wanted to end us. I said ok, I respect. I said I wish you all the best in the future, I love you...and she replied "I love you too". WHAT? I had to say if you love me then why are we ending. I don't recall the particulars from there, but suffice it to say she wasn't feeling it and as it went the thought occurred to me that if she truly loved me, she would not be letting me go. Once that thought crossed my mind, I let go and we ended the call.
Sorry to hear B. The proverbial actions of words. You handled it well. All you can do is move forward. I think dating is difficult now because most people not understand they don't need anyone so it is easier to move on when you hit a rough patch.
Yeah...she talked a good game when we started of grass is greener where you water it, putting in the work. Work/life balance for her was an issue initially, but something we continually talked through. Ultimately she did not want to sacrifice or compromise or work to maintain the relationship. She valued doing what she wanted to do above all else. Once that's establish then it is what it is and I have to let her go.
GAL, focusing on me and D. Open to the future. Once you learn the lessons here, you don't forget them and that's a blessing.
I know this was a pandemic-influenced situation. But in the future - please, no introducing dates to your daughter until you are sure it is going to be a serious thing - 6 months MINIMUM - and definitely no living together until you are in a relationship that is long-term committed (and have been together AT LEAST a year). Your daughter does not need to go through getting attached and then abandoned by your dates. And it takes that long, at a bare minimum, to get to know a person well enough to involve your child.
