SteveLw although I understand being on the outside your misunderstanding of the amazing statement and whatnot, I was hoping I explained it better, best I can say, is even if I hadn't meant to, I did use this as a weapon later in arguments, Im not proud of it, but I do realize I did it and I have to take responsibility for my own problems.
I do feel the car ride wasn't so much about him complaining about all thats wrong with me, as toxic behaviors I have, as well as he has, accquired over the years, in case I didn't say it, we discussed his toxic behaviors too, as well as our issue with eachothers Love languages as we are not the same on that front. I just want the whole situation to be made clear. But Yes I am still skeptical, I believe he meant what he said when he said it about our M, but thus why I wanted time to pass and I am keeping my eyes open so to speak.
Also so everyone is aware, sadly C is not an option for us, we live in a small area and have been on a waiting list at the 3 only options for C in our area for almost 2 years now, it's highly frustrating.
Thornton, Of course things are hard to hear, but just know I care more about getting a faithful H and a Happy M then being fed BS frankly from people, so always keep it real and trust me when I say I appreciate it that way.
First off this is why I have no intention of giving my H my affection and all of that again right away obviously, I have read enough here I know it would only end up in disaster, I plan on seeing for real his actions for weeks etc. before I'd get back to that point.
And yes I did apologize, for my own behaviors, yes my H did some terrible, gaslighting things to me, that doesn't make my own toxic behaviors okay. There were things I did that are NOT okay, I don't say that to minimize anything he did, let me be clear on that, but I have to take responsibility for my part in our M getting to this point as well and work on myself, not for my M but for me to be who I want to be. 2 wrongs don't make a right. And yes my H took responsibility for alot of his mistakes as well, for his talking to the OW, for his issues with anger at times and walking away, many things. As I said it was the most beneficial talk we have had in a long time. He never stopped saying he loved me, not that its relevant I'm sure but I did read him and the OW's conversation since they started talking and other then a few "babe" drops on Her part, it could have been 2 friends talking, surprisingly my H blew off anytime the OW would make flirty comments, also was complete just online, they never met up.
Again in No way defending My H at all, I just know the only way to get true advice, etc. is to make sure all the facts are shown as well as possible.
I hear you all truly, it's why I'm being so skeptical, obviously I don't believe him yet. I am not going to just go back to the way things were or show my heart and affection to my H. Thats why I am asking you all's advice, obviously I'm going to watch my H's behavior from here on out to see how he acts, until then I'm just trying to figure out how to handle this situation best
Also My H has contacted his Military Chaplain (He is in the Army NG) and has made an appointment to see his for counseling help.... Just found this out as I was typing this.
