Okay so I apologize for taking so long to reply, last 2 days have been crazy and I am just now having some time to get on here to reply.

First I'll explain Yesterday, My H and I had a day together of swimming with friends. We had friends who live out of state and were in town for only a week come in and we had planned this outing for a few months. Even with everything going on we had decided to do it anyways as we Never get to see these friends. Honestly trip wasn't terrible but wasn't great either. We ended up locking keys in our car and had to get a tow person to come unlock it for us and while swimming we both felt a little odd as we didn't know how to act around eachother exactly pretty much. On the way home my H said how he just hadn't enjoyed spending time with me today, a bit later he did come to the conclusion it was more about the confusion with how to be around eachother and also the Key stuff really got to him. (He tends to let setbacks ruin his whole day alot) He wanted to talk so he started telling me some of the stuff that he doesn't like about me, and not as negatively as it sounds I swear. Even said multiple times he wasn't trying to hurt me just that he was trying to be honest about it. I sat in the car and listened, once he was done i took some time before i replied. The things he said he didn't like were all things that since reading DR I have been working on because they aren't who I am. Circumstances and insecurities over time have given me some toxic behaviors in which I have been working to change since GAL and working on myself. I told my H that I know I can't tell him I'm changing because the fact is unless you can truly see it over time, people just can't believe people change behaviors that have been exhibited for a long time just by them saying they will or are. I told him that over the last few months I have however taken a long hard look at myself and have realized things I dont like. And that I have chosen to work on myself to become the person I want to be. We discussed these issues in more detail and realized that when we had first gotten together what drew my H to be was my Independence and my active personality, etc, a lot had changed over time and I want to go back to that, except better and more grown of course.

Example of an issue, Sometimes I'll say something like "Man I'm amazing" and my H will tease "your okay" joking around and I will bug him until he says I'm Amazing. I always thought this was just me playing around with him. My H saw it differently he told me that he felt manipulated in these times, because this would happen then some days we would have an argument and I'd throw it in his face "well earlier you told me I was amazing so were you just lying" and he felt like I always did this just so I could have a weapon to throw at him earlier. Honestly I NEVER ever realized I did this, but when he told me about it, I sat there and thought about it, and after about 3 minutes I told my H "I'm so sorry that I ever did that to you, I never intended to do that or manipulate you but I did, and Im sorry" Because thinking back, I did do that, ALOT honestly. When I said this, My H was in shock, after a minute he said "Usually you are so defensive when I say this kind of thing to you and just get angry with me, I really appreciate that you really listened to what I had to say and that you apologized for it"

We talked about many things like this the hour car drive home, neither of us after degraded the other or raised our voices. Honestly it was the most calm, adult, mindful talk I believe we have had in probably a year at least, with no one ever getting mad or defensive. About an hour after we got home, I was making dinner and my H came up to me and hugged me then told me "Love, I haven't been talking to anybody else for a little over a week now, I would like to start putting our marriage back together" I was in shock, I can't remember my exact words but the gist of what I said was that I knew it took courage to say that and I know he's scared, because I was too. I told him how he had said this before and took it back minutes later, so I asked him to give a few days for him AND myself some time to think about it, because I wanted to make sure we were both sure and if we BOTH still felt this way in a few days then we can start talking about where we go from there and how we can start working on our M. He told me "I am completely sure that I want to work on this, but I will give you these days so we can both think about it, I Love you" I thanked him and that was that.

I don't want to put too much stock into this or get comfortable in a sense, I'm still going to focus of GAL either way and I'm not going to stop working on the steps.

Side note my H also put his ring back on, with no encouragment from me to do so, and also told me the password to his phone, I told him I didn't have to have it or look through it. He insisted I sit down with him and showed me his messages etc of when he had texted his EA that he was going to work it out with me and that he wasn't going to be talking to her anymore etc.