First of all, you've been dealing with and processing the breakdown of your marriage and your H's affair for a long time. If you truly feel that you don't want to reconcile with H at this point and want to pursue something with another man, I wouldn't blame you.
That being said, since you aren't divorced yet there are some things to consider: your H might not be so reasonable about support etc if he figures out you're seeing someone else, so this might be a bad financial move for you. If you want to date, I advise getting your divorce settled first. (Your H may not want you, but probably won't want anyone else to have you either. They like to think we are waiting patiently on the shelf as their backup plan).
Also dating so soon after a breakup leaves both of you vulnerable to heartache if either one of you returns to your previous partners. So long as you think you would take your H back if he came crawling back to you, I wouldn't recommend dating. (A year after a divorce is an arbitrary time limit which may or may not apply to you. After my ex's affair, reconciliation, and then MLC several years later which I tried to DB, once he filed I was DONE and happily moved on. But I was dead sure at that time that I wouldn't want him back under ANY circumstances.)
And your boys may also not be emotionally ready for you to date, until at least the divorce is final.
All that being said, there's no reason you can't go to lunch with this guy and discuss your mutual heartaches. He could be a friend and you might both be able to support each other through this phase in your lives. Just tread carefully. And keep it quiet.
