I did get to enjoy the kids over the past weekend. After a very hard week without seeing them for 10 days it was such a blessing to spend time with them. It made me realize how much they help me stay balanced, happy and healthy.
As I mentioned, I got to see them over the weekend for Saturday and Sunday and now I'm going another 7 days without them as my Ex scheduled her vacation with them for right after they got back from camp. Originally she was going to take them straight from camp to vacation but fortunately my daughter threw a fit and said she wanted to see me for the weekend. I don't how I would have gotten through a full 19 days without them.
In mid June I had a session with my counselor get canceled and I had let that drift. I met with him last week since I was struggling and though I'm still in a lot of emotional pain it was helpful. I've started journaling again to help and I'm trying to be a little easier on myself. What I mean by that is more open to the pain that I'm going through and just accepting that its going to take time, everyone's path is different, and I have to accept mine.
I just wish that it didn't hurt so much, and that my mind would move on. I'm not sure what kind of a timeline is fair for this kind of thing. She left in December. We're not actually divorced yet. I fought for this marriage since 2016 - so that was a solid 4+ year fight to try and save it. We as of this past June we were married 15 years. And we were together 7 years before we got married. In a lot of ways she was my best friend. So, maybe I'm expecting too much of myself in getting over her.
I just wish the impact on my mental and emotional well being wasn't so severe. Definitely dealing with some depression and an inability to focus on work - it seems meaningless.
In Michelle's book she talked about how us husband's often make our wives the purpose of our life, and I was in that group 110%. That's not healthy. And now I've got to figure out what my purpose is anew.
