I also want to reinforce what WF is saying. Stress is awful. Have you tried meditation at all? There are a number of free apps you can try that have very simple, short guided meditations that might help. Even just taking 10 deep breaths with your eyes closed when things start to feel hard could help. This helped me a LOT in my sitch. And it might help with your condition too-- my H used to get truly debilitating migraines and had to stop using the medication that really worked after his stroke (at age 35). He now immediately meditates for 15-30 minutes as soon as he gets his aura and it has really helped to manage the pain. I can't recall exactly what your condition is, but if you haven't tried meditation I would totally recommend it.
Another thing I did that helped me was the supplement 5-HTP. It helped me sleep and really did improve my mood. You might look into that.
Finally, it occurred to me as I was reading your list of covert narcissistic traits... dang, I'm going to guess that my H would have said check, check, check to most of those during the SSM phase of our M. I don't think I am a covert narcissist, though-- I also was feeling emotionally alone and like I had to do all the housework and physical touch was simply not my primary love language. Anyway, just another voice to suggest you stop trying to figure out what is wrong with your W and put all that enormous energy into healing yourself.
Me (46) H (42) M:14 T:18, D9 & D11 4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs 9/20 - present: R and piecing
