This isn't emotionally violent. This is her doing what in her best interest without any consideration for you. Emotionally violent would have involved years of emotional manipulation that would've allowed you to just simply hand the money over to her vs her trying to walk away with it. Or spending night and day telling you what a worthless, stupid cow you are. Which isn't happening. My stbxw is doing everything in her power to hurt me and I don't understand. My stbxw is doing so many things out of character and I don't understand. <- that's what's happening. Stop trying to understand. None of us "understand" fully what happened. Most of us who get some clarity had to remove ourselves from the situation and detach before we could see the picture in it's whole context. You can keep grasping at straws or you can take a few deep breaths and resign to the fact that you will know why this is happening in due time, but right now is not that time.
You are hurt, I completely understand that. We've all been there, but I hate to break it to you, contrary to your belief currently what you dealing with is neither unique or case specific. I've recommended this to other newbies who are just emotionally dumping and what feels very much like grasping at anything to keep them afloat. Go read other people's threads. Dig through the archives. In stead of researching and researching on what could possibly be wrong stbxw start reading what other's have gone through. The realizations they had to make. The control they had to let go of. Go read and read and read and see how not alone you are. Go see how common this is. Go see how in all honestly your stbxw is not the worst we've seen by far.
It's incredibly common in the process to go from blaming everything on yourself to blaming everything on her. We've all gone through it. But like I've told you before the likelihood that she's actually the narcissist or the sociopath that you'd like her to be is beyond slim. She like all humans are capable of narcissistic behavior. Selfish acts. Behaving irrationally. Does that make her a narcissist? No. It makes her human. You can continue to demonize her. You could continue down the rabbit hole of where you went wrong and all the crappy behavior you missed, but that's only a part of the picture and you know that. The truth lies somewhere in the middle of your perception and hers. This is an exercise in futility. You are only hurting yourself spiraling like this.
I think you're time could be better spend researching how to deal with bouts of anxiety and stress. There are even articles out there that are geared for people going through separation and divorce. If you can't focus on spiritual, mental and emotional growth right now how about managing your emotions and mental health? Let's start at the base. Your time is better spent on self care than it is in trying to diagnose your stbxw. That will always be the case.
As far the centering goes, this is all very raw. You are technically the victim here, you were abandoned and rather unceremoniously. You're allowed to have a pity party, and you're allowed to invite whomever you'd like. This is a sh!t situation, you're welcome to wallow. We all did. The issue is everyone is worried that it isn't so much a party with time limits and parameters as much as it's going to become a state of being for you. That it's been a state of being for you. That you don't see any other possible perspectives here.
Get some distance from this. Don't let it consume you. If you have to drown yourself in books or music or soapy television or gaming. What ever works for you. Work on detachment. Work on focusing on you. Take a hot shower. Get something in your stomach and try to get some sleep tonight. It really does feel like the world is collapsing around you, I know, we all know, but I can assure it's not. You will come out of this better than you were before it even started. That's the point of all this.
