What happens from here? I understand moving slowly, I understanding taking it easy, I understand he is not going to come around after one discussion to become the poster child of husbands. But how do I navigate these next steps without it blowing up in my face?
I am fully aware it can, almost even expecting it to or perhaps a better way to phrase it not caring if it does.
This is great-- if you truly do feel this way, not really caring that much one way or another if it blows up again-- it sounds like you're moving forward in detaching.
DO NOT STOP DB-ing. Just keep it up. It is very likely that this back and forth will continue and you just have to not contribute to it by staying the course, focusing on yourself, GAL, avoiding R talks, etc. I am going to guess that he will probably *not* cut off the OW, based on what you shared of the conversation. I wouldn't demand proof or anything, or even bring it up again. if he says again he wants to R, then great-- repeat yourself, you need to recommit to the M which includes IC, MC, and NC with the OW. He's a big boy. If he wants to do these things, he will take obvious steps towards doing so and want to prove it to you that he's done with OW. If he waffles, you have your timeline where you're outta there by January.
It sounded like he has a lot of issues that he'll need to really commit himself to working on for him to be the kind of H you want, right? Are you still doing all the laundry and kid chores? (Ha, to me that would be another requirement of reconciliation-- an equal partner in the house!)
Hang in there,
May
Me (46) H (42) M:14 T:18, D9 & D11 4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs 9/20 - present: R and piecing
