Please try to remember, it doesn’t matter why she’s turned into this. It doesn’t matter if she’s always been this way. It doesn’t matter if she’s a narcissist or the kindest person in the world. Because it doesn’t change your situation. Only you can change your situation and you are and can be responsible for your happiness.
You are right in what you say. I just can't let go of trying to understand.
I do have things to do, but I can't settle and do hobbies when I need to pack up the house and find a place to move to. I'm worried about money also, as there's a lot I have to sort out.
My main focus is to find a place to live and I have also been thinking about what I may do to bring in an income. That will be my hobby. I will have digital products to make, coursework to create and websites to design I would think. I am committed to building something within the next year that can start bringing in an income someway.
I have a couple of mates but they are not local to me. I feel isolated and alone here. It's a very small town with nothing going on in it and nobody about.. There are no groups or clubs, it's murder being here being a tiny rural town. The people are sot of friendly enough but keep themselves to themselves. On the whole nobody will do anything for anybody, so it's hard to ask for help as nobody is interested. I tapped on my neighbour's door and had a chat about the internet yesterday - he just said "Oh dear". The good thing about it is, is that it's out of the way, but the facilities are rubbish. We only moved here to be near my wife's work and so she could walk to work or go on the train - 10 mins walk away.
To be completely honest, I am finding this really tough doing this all on my own. I have asked 4 people for help now, 2 friends, 1 neighbour and a guy and his wife that are in a group that meets on a Sunday for a chat - this was set up in lock-down as people felt isolated. I have had nobody offer their help, so it's still just me on my own so sort out so much stuff all at the same time - divorce, legal battle for maintenance & online account info, finding a house to live in in a different area, sorting out stuff to pack or sell or leave behind - there is her stuff there also.
I'm worried and I think that's natural and it doesn't help that my confidence has been ripped to shreds and my self-esteem along with it.
But you're right, none of it changes my situation and it's that I need to focus on and sort out somehow.
M(55), W(45) BD1: Apr-2011, BD2: 23-May-21, NC (15 June '21) Divorce Filed (16 July '21) --- When you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, you need to trust it's there.
