I just couldn’t reconcile why my ex left me. I needed a reason so I started reading up on personality disorders, and like you, I noticed some similarities in my ex.
I would feel better for a while because now I could point the finger. And it felt better for me to be the victim for some reason.
What can you do today to make tomorrow better? Stay focused on you.
It's not my intention to point fingers. I'm looking back over our relationship and noticing these tendencies. I'm not saying that it would be her fault or anything, but it would just give me a better understanding of maybe why she exhibited that type of behaviour. If not narcissistic, then what? I can't just accept that somebody can treat somebody they have lived with for 19 years and been married to in such a crazy and appalling manner and as if they are their worst enemy in the world, when I have treated her really well. It's the way she seems to absolutely hate my guts and wants to go out of her way to grind me into the ground - that is what I am trying to understand.
I get that maybe I am coming across like I'm playing the victim, but I don't feel that I am. I just cannot understand this emotionally violent behaviour when I have never known her to be like that in the 21 years that I've known her or in the 19 years we have been together. It's like I mistreated her really badly. Crazy.
M(55), W(45) BD1: Apr-2011, BD2: 23-May-21, NC (15 June '21) Divorce Filed (16 July '21) --- When you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, you need to trust it's there.
