Picking Up the Pieces After WAW Goes Again #2

[smilie]

I know a lot of you don't believe me when I say that I think that my wife is a covert narcissist. But her behaviour is exactly what is described here in the video by Kim Saeed:

The Dark Triad - Are We Gaslighting Ourselves About Narcissism?

- Lack of Empathy
- Willing to see you suffer and destroy you without flinching
- Multiple Targets - Me, OM, Partner woman at her work
- Grooming OM prior to leaving me. etc.

This entire video is exactly my experience and yes it has WW parts of it, but she's taken all the savings, pushing blame on to me suggesting that I'm not "willing" to work, has systematically depleted our savings and/or transferred them elsewhere, is doing everything in her power not to supply spousal maintenance, has been cold, calculated and systematic in her execution. Even spending money on the garden and letting me do all that work growing and planting veg knowing that she was going and that it would all be a waste of time and money. I knew she didn't seem very interested in it, now I know why!


There is also another video explaining Covert Narcissism (I've started the link where the signs start):

Covert Narcissim

1. Something empty inside them. I've felt this. The feeling of lack of closeness for one. I would grab her and give her a squidge, but she never used to do anything like that with me. Never pinched my bum or showed any impulsive form of affection. Also no emotion behind their word, especially in a heart-to-heart or argument. She kept straight and showed not one bit of emotion at all, like one would expect. She very rarely cried and if she did. it wasn't for long - she didn't even cry the day her mum died. Feel like she was going through the motions, being impersonal - this is how sex felt, like I was just there to supply the part that she required. No feelings of closeness, kisses, hugs, etc. She used to go 'inside herself'. I always thought that was strange since day 1 and just got used to it I suppose.

2. Aloof. As above, no displays of affection towards me - ever, unless I instigated. Same bed, same sofa, but she never came for a cuddle watching TV, always kept her personal space. If I approached for a cuddle she would, but then that was it - unless she wanted sex.

3. Feeling belittled. I felt that I was less than her as I couldn't work. I wanted to cook the meals each day for when she came home from work, but she said no as it would be too early. She then used to do it and wouldn't let me help. Every time! Then she can say to others that I don't help cook. I felt like I didn't know what I was doing and that she knew best and I trusted that and then she capitaliazes on that. When we used to go to her work do's, I used to feel like I was standing in her shadow, even though I could start and hold conversation with everybody else, I felt that I was there to prop her up and that she viewed me as lower than her as I didn't work (rather than her equal) - and all of her work colleagues probably knew it, so they could think of me as a lazy git.

4. Emotional Starvation. Feeling alone in the relationship, like she is doing her thing and I'm doing mine. She never wanted to work on things together even though she said she did. Feeling changed as soon as we got married - as soon as. No sex for 3 days after wedding, not even on wedding night. Off on honeymoon next day, so "need to get sleep". It was only me that suggested going anywhere, only me that gave her a hug (unless in bed and she wanted sex), only me that suggested going out for a drink or a meal. She gladly accepted, but the suggestions were always mine.

5. Passive-Aggressiveness. <- This. Didn't talk much though, although very short on action - used to say she wanted to start business together, but didn't act and disregarded the idea until I raised it again. She never did. Didn't argue with me. Always agreed with my ideas & suggestions - even my mates wife said this the year we got married, that she always agreed with what I said, wanted to do, or ideas.

6. Repelled by Sexual Advances. Never really saw this, but she used to ensure that she acted in such a way as to "send the message" that she wasn't interested in sex - always the Kindle! When she didn't grab the Kindle and wanted a hug, that was 'code' for she wanted sex. Every time. She never wanted to talk about our sex life.


Everything this lady says is/was my wife ... everything. The love-bombing stage was for the first few years and died down when we started to arrange the wedding.

Is it that WW or MLC behaviour is exactly the same as narcissism, or is she actually a covert narcissist?

So am I getting it wrong? Yes I'm still trying to work stuff out, but I am interested what others see here, as I think that this is the case. Not that it matters anymore, but the behaviours described in both of these videos almost fit my wife like a glove.