WAW w/Exit Affair or WW? - Divorced Anyway (4)

[BL42]

This is where you have to be careful BL. We say all the time that WS are selfish (which they are). Do you think it is good for your children to have their mom jump from one man to the next? Seems to be the type of woman your ex is right now.

I get the first part of your fear--if your XW married someone who acts like a second father to your D--helps pay for college, is there when she needs her--I could see him being in the father/daughter dance. Your D's life is richer for the wider support network, but your father/daughter dance experience is lesser, and that's bittersweet. What I don't get is your fear of being OUT of the dance. If your D loves you both, she's going to dance with you both. I guess I've never feared being replaced. My XGF's XH has several people he calls mom and one he calls dad. In their case, it wasn't a competition. It doesn't have to be a competition.

BL, you know our sitch's are very similar, and I'd be lying if I said I couldn't understand this quote. How I am seeing it is, feeling like this is a very clear indicator that I am not where I want to be. Once I no longer feel anger about her and OM and/or stop wanting it all to blow up for them, I'll know I am where I want to be. Until then, just continue doing what has been working and accept that this is a loooong process. Be kind to yourself mate.

LH19/CWarrior/OnlyBent - I hear you, and you're probably right. But I'd be lying if I said I don't have flares of anger and thoughts of karma/revenge. It's not all-consuming by any means - most of the time I'm out there living my life - but periodically when something specific happens or a thought pops into my head, anger boils up. I'm certainly not at the "wishing her all the best and (sincerely) hope it works out with OM2" point like some here. Suppose that means I still have work to do processing through the emotions.