I'm just going to add one thing. These miscommunication issues you're having with H are not likely being caused by different communication styles or syntax/context issues of speech. Your H is defensive. Highly defensive. Like overly defensive. He's escalating and assuming everything is an accusation not because of YOUR past behavior but because of the guilt of HIS present behavior. My H was like this in his EA when he was still in denial that it was an EA.
For reference my exH constantly accused me of cheating. Constantly. I would pander and cater to his ego at first. We went on like that for a long time and then I eventually stopped caring. "yeah, yeah yeah I'm a wh*re, out at the bars with dudes even though I had our daughter with me the whole time, sure, sure." And after that I finally gave up and just cheated. I didn't argue. I didn't get defensive. I'd just roll my eyes and walk away knowing I wasn't being treated any differently actually sleeping with someone else than I was when I was begging him to believe me.
People who get defensive and take what you say completely out of context like that are interpreting the information in an accusatory way because they have a reason to feel accused. When you don't do anything wrong and you're just tired of being accused you don't fight, because there's no point. You can't convince insecurity.
Oh and as May and Steve were saying and as you've been told, plan for the worst hope for the best. I saw my sitch in the light that I needed to plan for both roads. What I would need emotionally if we R'd and what I would financially and physically need if we D'd. That way no matter what I wouldn't feel blindsided again. There's very little to control in these kinds of situations but having a plan makes things feel a little less daunting and frankly scary.
