Ok but you are afraid. You're afraid that you were grifted by stbxw. You're afraid that women will pick a rich man first, always. You're afraid of dating. You're afraid of what else will dear stbxw will do moving forward with the D. You're afraid of finding housing. You're afraid you have no control here. Because you haven't relinquished it willingly you relinquished control because you had no other choice.
This is just like the anger thing. You say things that show you are clearly feeling something and then try to rebuff the notion that you are actually feeling things that are pretty clear in print.
And I have to agree with OB on this, you are making yourself a victim. You keep centering this around something that's being done to you. This is all very raw. It's super common to swing wildly from ok to not ok, from sad to angry, but there's this tone of how this has been done to you, that life is a continuous series of events that happened to you. Not a series of events that happened that you had to navigate. There's a huge difference in relinquishing control because you can only control yourself and relinquishing control because you feel there's no point in trying so you allow things to just happen.
I'm going to try really hard to not be insulted that you think most if not all women will choose a rich guy over any other guy. I'm going to try because you're hurting. And that comment came from a place of desperation to understand. In another context I would've laid you out for that. As I'm sure CW, OB and LH can attest to. My H is a blue collar guy, he's not broke by any means, he makes good money but he isn't rolling in cash either. My exH makes more money than him. Guys I went on dates with when my H and I started kind of seeing each other made more money than him. But he and I have very similar upbringings, work ethic, sense of humor, etc. Also chemistry. The chemistry I had with him was/is like something I hadn't had since I was like 18. All of those things were more important. Things like that matter to women. Yes women care about stability and sometimes money comes into play with that but you're not 25. That's not really a concern for a women in her 40s or 50s. Women in general don't pick mates the way men do. Things are less visual and less check boxy than you think. Especially once a women is truly in her womanhood and has shaken off all the little girl notions. It's a feeling in our guts and our hearts, and our heads are little better at red flags with some life experience. But you're only going to be a catch if you're actually a catch.
Which brings me to my next point. The amount of LBHs who get stuck on the idea of physical improvement only is honestly annoying to me. Not saying you're annoying, but I'm warning you to not get caught in that trap because I will tell you you are being annoying if you get stuck here. Working on you isn't just lifting weights and some cardio. Working on you is sitting down and doing some serious introspection and working on all aspects of yourself that could make you a better version of yourself and eventually down the road a better mate. You need to work on your intellectual, spiritual and emotional well being. Fix your personal potholes instead of fixating on stbxw's and that of the the imaginary possible mates you may have in the future.
smilie, this is a hard road to travel. It's not fun. It takes most LBS a while to feel less out of control and raw. so please don't take this advice as a must do immediately or that having those big ugly feelings is wrong. You just need to take some more time to process this stuff. And stop worrying so much about tomorrow and the next day and the next day and the next day. Seriously focus on you. Focus on today. Focus on small things that can make today better. Focus on small things that can make you feel whole and healthy again. One step at at time. One day at a time.
