I just don't know how many year of that were fake - probably the last 10
You will never fully know her or anyone else's experience. You only know your own. Whatever feelings you experienced--love, pain, joy, sadness--were real and meaningful. I have to remind myself this sometimes, when I ask questions like, "Was the sex meaningful?" Answer: "It was meaningful to me.
You are right. The relationship was meaningful to me, I loved her and it felt good for me gave me a sense of belonging somewhere and I've not felt like that before. It's just such a shame it has come crashing down in the manner it has and it has made me question a lot of things. I hate to think that OM was in her mind while we had sex and that probably was he case - something else I will never know.
M(55), W(45) BD1: Apr-2011, BD2: 23-May-21, NC (15 June '21) Divorce Filed (16 July '21) --- When you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, you need to trust it's there.
