Help! Need Advice please Part 2

[SteveLW]

So after reading your reply yesterday and getting home from work I did just that with my H. I told him if he wants time to think about our M and what he wants, I understand and that's fine with me, but that if hes going to be talking to other women during this time then I am not going to be waiting for him and we can initiate talks about divorce. At first he got defensive and somehow thought I was saying something about how he only wants a D because of other women and there are other reasons (possibly was just trying to gaslight me I'm not sure as he gets confused alot with what I mean, he takes everything as me accusing him etc ) anyways so with him thinking that he got upset and originally said we can start the divorce, and tried pulling me into an argument, I told him "I'm not going to sit here and argue, I will walk away until you are ready to talk without raising your voice" (whole scenario lasted only about a minute. He took a minute and then wanted to finish our conversation. I explained my point again and even said I apologize if I hadn't been clear and worded what I was actually saying to where it was understood accurately. He then said "I won't talk to any other women while I take time to consider our M and what I want to do"

Now id like to believe him but obviously I don't. I wanted that boundary to be made clear to him as suggested. My thing now is, since I dont believe him on this and/or if I find for sure hes still talking to OWs. Since I set the Boundary and he told me he would. How should I handle the situation, should I let it be known I dont believe him about the OW or not?

Either way I am still focusing on detaching and looking into a L just in case. Etc.

First, believe nothing he says...and only half of what he does. His word right now means squat. "I want to work on our M." Then a minute later: "I am confused about what I want!" Come on, he doesn't even believe what he says at this point.

On boundaries: Boundaries are not about trying to control his behavior. Trying to control your WAS is a fool's game and will result in setbacks for you. Boundaries are about having a boundary, and if it is crossed YOU take action. How it looks:

Boundary: You will not tolerate your H talking to other women.
Action: If he crosses this boundary you will immediately move for separation and file for D.

Boundaries are not asking them NOT to do something. As in "Please do not talk to other women." It is a statement: "I will not tolerate you speaking to other women." You don't have to tell him what the result of him crossing that boundary will be. It really doesn't matter if he knows what the resulting action is. He will either cross the boundary or he won't. And when he does you take the prescribed action.

Setting a boundary without consequences is weak and makes you look weak and makes the WAS feel like they can do whatever they want no matter how you feel.