Smilie, I don't want this to sound harsh, but I am going to be direct. You are holding a pity party for yourself and being a victim. This is fine at first, I am sure we all did it, I know I did. But continuing to do this brings many problems, you will forever feel stuck and bitter, people will not want to be around you, it is unattractive and most importantly you will not be able to go out and create an awesome life better than the one you've been living so far.
Don't get me wrong, this process takes a long time. I am 13 months post the height of it and I still struggle sometimes, I imagine it will probably take another year to feel totally myself again. Sooner or later Smilie, you need to stop asking why, stop demonising her, stop the "woe is me" and start building the new life.
