It sounds like you're on the right track. This is all hard, hard work. I thought you handled that difficult situation well and validated and listened without getting svcked in. He's confused and you can't let his mental state and whiplashing back and forth affect you. You're focusing on you and your son and all of that which is terrific. Keep up the good work! It gets easier-- as LH and others have said, fake it til you make it.
It sounds like you'd want to stay in the house and it is good that you'll have some space coming up for a couple of months which will make that all a lot easier. My recommendation here would be to figure out what happens if you do end up going down the path to D in terms of housing, etc? The more you can plan for any contingency, the more prepared you'll be. I found that speaking to a couple of attorneys really helped take the fear away from S and D. Know your rights and how to protect yourself and your son.
Finally... and this one is tough... I really, really think you need to prepare yourself for the potential that your H is having an active affair. I know you don't think so. Most of us didn't. In my situation, I showed up here after finding out my H (who had been acting distant and angry for the past year and a half) was in a long-distance EA. (And before that, I'd asked if there was someone else multiple times and was totally gaslit for even asking, so I was dumbfounded when he told me about her.) He said it was like a small crush and they weren't in contact anymore but it caused him to question our M. They had been talking for maybe 8 months and he'd seen her in person a few times when he was in her city for work, went out to coffees and a dinner, kissed once and that was when he realized he needed to stop it. I asked him over and over if that was it, if they'd ever been in his hotel room alone. He looked me straight in the eyes and said NO. He was telling me the truth.
Over the next five months, the trickle truth slowly, SLOOOOOWLY came out. It was Steve who told me to prepare myself for it to be more than an EA. I thought, not my H. I had all these really good reasons, like the fact we'd talked on the phone before he went to sleep in his hotel room and I couldn't imagine him doing that with her there, and if he was in an A than why would he waste the opportunity to spend the night with her? But because Steve and others warned me to be prepared, I was (as much as one can be).... so five months later when we were having the discussion about us separating, I finally said to him Hey H, just know if you F her, we're done... and he said, May, I've been F-ing her for two years. Yup.
So..... I've been there. So many of us here have been there. I know you don't want to think about it, but I strongly recommend thinking about it so you're prepared if you find out. And decide if you would do anything differently if that was the case.
Regarding kicking him out, moving out, all that... this is very much your call and do know that there are several of us here in piecing who did so without our cheating spouses ever moving out. It is definitely not an easy path but it is there. So just know that it is possible. You'll really need to find outlets for your GALing and frustration, sadness and anger so you can keep up a PMA when he's around. I spent a lot more time at yoga and going out with friends, or taking the kids to do something just with Mommy.
Hang in there, Artemis. I already see you growing stronger in the short time you've been posting. You're on the right path. Keep it up.
May
Me (46) H (42) M:14 T:18, D9 & D11 4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs 9/20 - present: R and piecing
