Picking Up the Pieces After WAW Goes Again #2

[smilie]

I get where you are coming from. I'm an IT Director and also spend my days fixing things

Any jobs going? Can I work remotely? Lol!

When i'm not at my desk or with my kids, i'm under a car - fixing things. Thats what we do - We apply logic to these situations, that are fuelled by WW emotion.. Hence logic wont work - EVER.

My brain see's this. It hears me say this, so why doesn't it listen? It's the life-long conditioning of trying to find solutions that's the downfall here I think. But then logic says, that if you know that you can't apply logic to solve the problem - and in actual fact the only person who perceives it as a problem is the LBS - then why keep trying? It's maddening and I don't even think I'm doing it most of the time.

This is where the focus on you and GAL comes in, isn't it? I think something's just clicked.... Only I, the LBS, has a problem.

For a HUGE issue that was created by her walking away, it's such a simple thing. There's all the stuff around it such as why did she do this and how long for and who with and where, is he better a better person than me, etc., but the actual thing was that she chose to leave, she wanted out and she went. She chose how to go about it and she will have to answer to her actions and the damage she has caused - especially financial - towards me. She has also given herself a bad reputation with the estate agent lady who will, without doubt, have conversations about this 'fantastical story', which will fly around this very small town in a nano-second. Wouldn't be very good for the business she works for as how would people trust her with their money once they know? Let alone the risk to her potentially losing her practicing certificate and therefore her career, if it is proven. These things are HER problem.

They are the consequences of her actions that she probably didn't even think about, but us logic guys would. I still say somebody is pushing her buttons though, influencing her to do this. I may be surprise one day to find out it was all her, but I have never seen her do stuff like this. The opportunity presented itself (Claim money & Pension money) and she chose.

That must be where detaching comes into play. I am just waiting for the day to arrive when I just can't be bothered to think about it anymore. If it wasn't for the fact that I have to move I would be able to concentrate more on GAL from the outset, but all my days at the moment are spent gathering paperwork, approving lawyers letters and court forms, and looking for a place to be. Finally got to bed at 1:30am last night.

In her current mindset, your WW believes everything she is saying - YOU are at fault and YOU were making her unhappy. Nothing you say or do at this point will change it.

And that then gives her the excuse she needs to take all my dental damages money, our savings and try to grab my pension funds, just because she feels everything is my fault and she has to punish me and ruin my life completely, whatever the cost? After all, she has to recoup some of the money she's been bringing home, doesn't she? Wow, if that is the way she is thinking, no wonder she didn't think about the consequences - just acted.

One thing i do know, is that i will no longer compromise / ignore red flags - this is the downside, as i frequently walk away from dates thinking she was nice, but X, Y, Z red flag wise.

Something else I need to learn about at some stage I suppose.

IMO the first thing you need to do is realise you have no control over the WW or her actions.
You can only control you. Until you accept this, and keep going over the same old ground, you wont move forward and you will keep over thinking everything.

But I have known this for years, decades even, that you can't control the other person and I am not trying to do that, never have. It's just the understanding I was trying to get, but I can't get that either. Again, this is where GAL comes in otherwise I'll be unfocused on things and still trying to work it out - driving myself nuts!

Then, like i said initially - get a list together and work on you - Where you want to be - what you want to achieve as a single man - Then hit that list .. tick, tick , tick !

Doing that. Done so much house hunting with very little return. I'm working out just one body part a day at the moment as I find it hard to focus for long, but I'm not happy, I wasn't fat, but I've now got sagging skin especially around my middle, like I was an obese person who lost weight. It's horrible. I was only a 34 waist! about 28 now. I did a bit of research and apparently collagen can help, so I got some of that. It's because I lost one and a half stone in just under 3 weeks because of this AND I've been eating. If it weren't for my skin I'd be well chuffed! Hope it catches up. Tips anybody? Lol!