Do you think this applies to everybody or just those who have problems communicating? For me I held no resentment for my wife. If I had an issue, or something on my mind or thought there was a problem, then I would mention my concerns to see if there was something to them. You know, just lightly throw it out there and see what comes back.
This is what I don't get, how can somebody put you on trial, not tell you you're on trial and give you no reason why you are on trial and unbenownst to you, you're not on any trial at all! This is Death by Silence. It may be real, but why the hell don't people just communicate - you know, talk with each other once in a while, rather than giving the other person no clue, no hope and a bloomin' huge surprise ending ... and not a happy one either!
You are still trying to rationalise things.
This is what I do, I'm a logic guy. I was a software develop for many years, then an System Administrator & IT Manager for a legal firm. I find solutions....well, used to. So I'm always trying to find the logic and I know from what I've read here that there is no logic and it's emotions, so all I am trying to do is understand .... still.
I've spent my life watching women leave normal guys to be with the dude with the flash car, flash suit and a buldging wallet. "She's with him for his money", people used to say, as quite often the blokes were to55ers, ugly or just plain horrible. Is there no truth in this then?
Originally Posted by MrBrside
What LH has posted is gold. I remember the first time i read it ( i've reposted it a few times myself ) - i was like "on the money"
People do handle resentment differently - But it was probably a series of things that all clicked into place, and although resement was there, thats the same for most couples - people always carry some resentment around, even over small things..
You are looking for answers, to which you will most likely never know the truth.
You are dealing with emotion. I know you feel like the issues stem from illness / work etc - They may have been a factor, BUT the bigger factor is your WWs history - She has a habit of jumping.
Even if you earned a hundred grand a year and had the nice cars, some other guy could walk along and peak her interest. On a given day, at a given time, if her interest is peaked enough, shes on that roller coaster.
So why bother with dating then, if they all have the capacity to do this? Why wouldn't the next partner do exactly the same thing?
Originally Posted by MrBrside
To put into context, my WW was discussing another baby via text on the Tuesday night. On the saturday, she went out and met a guy in town - and added him on Facebook the day after. A few days later, its 100s of messages between them and shes never been happy.. Like WTF ??
That's tough man, sorry. So if things don't makes sense at all then, how do they make sense to a woman? Arrgh! I know it's emotions but I just don't get it how they can disregard their commitments without a thought or a care in the world.
Originally Posted by MrBrside
Watch Sex Life on Netflix or download it. There is a topic on here about it, and it says a lot.
So I was going to watch this as I have been looking at some of the discussion on the group. I didn't want to watch it in case it makes me feel terrible, as if I think about my wife doing stuff like that I go into an instant panic - don't know why. I am a bit sensitive at the moment. Perhaps I'll give it a go.
Originally Posted by MrBrside
I said on one of my initial posts, you are looking for answers / reasoning - You are trying to apply logic to your wifes wayward mindset - They are not compatible.
So then I ask politely once again and please give a direct answer - How do I make sense of this, as you guys seem to have it off pat, right?
M(55), W(45) BD1: Apr-2011, BD2: 23-May-21, NC (15 June '21) Divorce Filed (16 July '21) --- When you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, you need to trust it's there.
