have fears at times of OM2 raising them and don't want OM2 to be dancing with my daughter at her wedding instead of me
I get the first part of your fear--if your XW married someone who acts like a second father to your D--helps pay for college, is there when she needs her--I could see him being in the father/daughter dance. Your D's life is richer for the wider support network, but your father/daughter dance experience is lesser, and that's bittersweet. What I don't get is your fear of being OUT of the dance. If your D loves you both, she's going to dance with you both. I guess I've never feared being replaced. My XGF's XH has several people he calls mom and one he calls dad. In their case, it wasn't a competition. It doesn't have to be a competition.
