As such, you push things down and gloss over them as you live together, and the consequence of that is that resentment builds.
If resentment builds too much over time, eventually it becomes "too much" and people start contemplating an exit from the relationship. During this period, the relationship is really "on trial" but the other party is usually totally unaware of it.
Once the trial is over and the person has more or less resolved to leave, you're on the tail end of a year’s long process. It goes "things are overall good, but this stuff is annoying" -> "These things are really annoying but not bad enough that I want to leave" -> "These things are really annoying and I don't know if I can stay" -> "These things are really annoying and now I have to get out"
Unfortunately, in many cases the "annoying things" were never even articulated, or if they were, not with enough gravity. Once the "I need to leave" point is reached, whatever those things are get magnified and new ones get invented to help convince the departing partner that they are making the right choice, fort an act in self-reinforcement which sometimes requires lots of fabrication.
Over time, you have *trained each other* what to expect from the other. She knows how you will react to any given situation, what you will say, how you will act, and she has decided that's not compatible with what she wants.
Do you think this applies to everybody or just those who have problems communicating? For me I held no resentment for my wife. If I had an issue, or something on my mind or thought there was a problem, then I would mention my concerns to see if there was something to them. You know, just lightly throw it out there and see what comes back.
This is what I don't get, how can somebody put you on trial, not tell you you're on trial and give you no reason why you are on trial and unbenownst to you, you're not on any trial at all! This is Death by Silence. It may be real, but why the hell don't people just communicate - you know, talk with each other once in a while, rather than giving the other person no clue, no hope and a bloomin' huge surprise ending ... and not a happy one either!
M(55), W(45) BD1: Apr-2011, BD2: 23-May-21, NC (15 June '21) Divorce Filed (16 July '21) --- When you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, you need to trust it's there.
