These things are actually very predictable once you have been here for a while. They almost always play out the same way.
I'm going to be really honest with you, ok?
The reason your H is confused is because there is another woman. Yes, he is cheating on you right now. I would bet my mortgage on it.
He wants to keep "buying time", because he is trying to figure out which woman to be with. His anxiety is spiking because he is living a lie and it's extremely stressful to cheat and carry on like this. He is guilt ridden.
On one hand he has you, the faithful loyal wife who will tolerate anything that he does. He doesn't pick you at this point because you don't carry yourself as a high value partner (he doesn't respect you). Being loyal to a cheater is not sexy.
On the other hand, the other woman excites him. She is probably a challenge, she makes him work for her affection. It's kind of like dating your first crush in high school. Emotions and hormones are running rampant.
The only way to get him off the fence is to remove yourself from the situation. You have to become the challenge for him. People want what they can't have. He has to see you as a challenge. He has to see you as the woman that every man in town wants, but can't have.
So how do you become that woman? You simply stop tolerating being cheated on. You tell him you know what's going on and that if he can't decide to be married to you (and faithful), that you will make the decision for him.
The longer you let this play out, the worse your chances of reconciliation. Rip the band aid off.
