Onward and Upward!

[Dawn70]

Just my 2 cents: my XH married his AP about a year and a half after our D was final, but he moved in with her and started acting like a happy married couple about 2 weeks after our D was final. Initially I was very angry, but through counseling and self-reflection, I realized that I was working on myself and she was getting the "woe is me, my life is so pitiful and it is everyone else's fault" version of my XH. By all accounts, she still has that version of him as he continues to battle his health issues and his emotional issues but is now adding in distance issues from his daughters that HE is causing. It is a mess and I'm ever so grateful to no longer be in the middle of it. I took the time to work on myself and make changes that suited ME without worrying about how anyone else felt about it and when the time was right for me, I started dating again and eventually found love again, though I would've been ok if I hadn't because I'm pretty self-sufficient. While being the LBS can be challenging on the front end, in some ways, I think it serves as a spring board to allow us to kind of find ourselves again and start fresh.

I was very interested to read DnJ's post about indifference, detachment and not caring. My XH forced detachment quickly by packing up all of his share of our divided stuff and moving 1500 miles away to live with his AP. Not everyone gets that luxury, but not having to worry about running into him in the grocery store or gas station made it easier for me to detach quicker. While I understand what DnJ is saying, I honestly think I have some mix of indifference and not caring going on, but I don't think it is unhealthy. I don't wish death and destruction on my XH, but I honestly just don't care what he's doing. I don't ask after him or keep up with him on social media and I haven't actually had a conversation with him in over a year and only then because I had to. If he died tomorrow, I would feel bad for the girls and his family and friends, but I don't think I would even feel much sadness within myself because he is a person who I used to know. The version of the XH that I fell in love with and married no longer exists so it is hard to care about someone who could cheat on me after I went through all of his medical crises and near-death experience with him, holding his hand and supporting us financially along the way. I don't know if our story is unique, but I suspect it really isn't.

I say all that to say, detachment is a very good place to be. It is very freeing!