smilie, another cycle that doesn't get enough discussion is the LBS cycling between desperation to save their marriage at all costs to ready to throw the WAS out of their life for good, and every state in between. I remember this early on in my sitch where one minute I would be desperate to find the thing to say or do that would save my marriage, to the next minute where I was ready just to get rid of her and move on with my life. And lots of states in between that. And actually finding the middle balance is the key. Enough of a desire to move forward with your life with or without the WAS to DB effectively, but also enough of a desire to save your MR that you behave around them in the appropriate ways (think sandi's rules).
The wild swings of holding on for dear life to waiting to just pull the plug and forget about them doesn't really help. I struggled the most in the extremes of those two things. The first caused me to behave in ways that actually pushed her farther away (including snooping on her), and the latter caused me to forget the principles taught in sandi's rules and to trend back towards passive-aggressiveness and some of the damaging behavior that led us to the point we were at to begin with. But that sweet spot in the middle is where I could DB my tail off, and do really well the GAL, 180s, and detachment that were so key.
So just be aware of the cycle. We've seen it with lots of posters here. One minute they are ready to chain their WAS to a fixed point in the house to keep them from leaving, and the next they are ready to throw them out on their ear.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
