Also acts of service are my Hs love language and with our careers ive akways dome mist if the housework so how should I handle that. Do I still do it mostly or do I start only doing me and my sons laundry and divide up our dishes. Etc. I'm sure this is one of those counter intuitve things. This is something that makes my H feel loved so I want to do these things for him. But I'm guessing its probably something where I need to stop doing any kind of specific housework for him. I'm just worried it'll make him feel I'm being lazy and have him think divorcing me is the right thing.
I am not a huge advocate of changing these kinds of things overnight. I do think at some point you have to stop being his W. But you are only a month in so it might be a little fast. What I would do is just slowly, over time make changes. Maybe start by separating his clothes from the rest of yours and washing them separately. Then in another few weeks, instead of folding and putting them away, just fold them. Then in another few weeks, wash and dry them only and leave them in the basket. Then finally stop washing them all together. Eventually during that weeks/months long process he will ask "why did you stop putting them away?" "Why did you stop folding them?" "Why did you stop washing them?"
The answer: "You fired me as your wife."
Do not make a big issue or scene of it. When he starts protesting, yelling, threatening, etc, listen and validate. If you haven't read the validation thread, do it. Listening and validating is your new best friend!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
