LH often says something that I completely agree with with.
The fastest way to get your WAS back is a straight line in the opposite direction. (LH - correct me if I said it wrong).
Your H needs to feel like he is going to lose you. Did you notice how when you walked upstairs he came after you? This is what you want, but on a much larger scale.
If you really want the best chance to knock some sense into him, the next time he mentions divorce respond with this (But only if you can actually follow through with it).
Husband: I think we need to move forward with a divorce.
Artemis: You know, I've been thinking about that and I agree. I'll make an appointment to meet with an attorney to figure out how the process works.
Then you actually go meet with an attorney and get your ducks in a row.
Meanwhile, you start acting like you have had an epiphany that your life is going to be awesome now that you don't have to deal with a lying, selfish, cheating spouse anymore. Don't overcompensate and act over the top, you want to appear content and at peace. Almost like you have a glow about you. You respond in a friendly way when he talks to you but you don't initiate convos with him or do things with him anymore. You start going out with friends, working out, taking your son to cool places etc.
All of that ^^^^ is very attractive to a WAS.
Here's the kicker... at first, he's not going to believe any of this. He will try to call your bluff, maybe even try to make you jealous by rubbing another affair in your face. But you continue to act contect and relaxed, he's no longer your concern. It's critical you carry on like this for months until you actually do become this way.
It's a win/win because it will either get your WAS back, or you will be well on your way to healing and detachment and truly prepared to move on with your life.
It's not easy. But neither is this push/pull, sit back and watch him cheat on you approach.
THIS. IS. AWESOME.
I remember having a discussion with my W later on in our sitch. She was talking about her plans to get a job, get an apartment, get a D, but that I would stay in the house, my D would live there. We could come over and have dinner. My D could come stay at her apartment for overnight stays, etc. She was talking as if she was moving on with this new life and I would be stuck sitting waiting to see if she ever changed her mind and wanted to come back.
During that discussion I said, "No, I will be selling the house. We will be doing 50/50 custody. We would take all joint holdings and split them 50/50." She was stunned. She said that wasn't what she wanted. I looked her square in the eyes and said: "Sorry, but it isn't fair for you to go out and start a new life and expect that I am not going to do the same."
I really believe that, and her finding out I had spoken to a D lawyer were the start of the turning point in our sitch. Admittedly I didn't DB 100% perfectly, but I do feel I DB'd well enough to effect one of the faster turnarounds than what is normally seen.
Artemis, fear is the #1 enemy of DBing. Thornton nailed the approach you should be taking. It may not save your marriage, there are no guarantees, but it has a much higher chance of doing so that doing what feels natural.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
