Heard my X might marry OW. Felt sick to my stomach, but the feeling passed. I've had some minor health issues lately and really can't afford to stress. I think I'm better than I thought I would be by now, but not yet at complete 'meh'. If I never reach total detachment, I still know I will be ok. The experts say that day will come, not going to rush it, just accepting where I am right now.
(((Hugs)))
For what it’s worth there is a difference between detachment, indifference, and not caring.
Detachment is being not emotionally dragged around by his words, actions, or emotional state. Something you are quite secure in. You are detached.
Indifference is the absence of feeling. A void towards X. It is a strange place to feel nothing. Well actually, to not feel anything is probably the more correct way to state it. Nature abhors a vacuum and our other feelings loom larger against this empty backdrop which once contained such emotion. Take heart, those larger feelings do subside to normal.
Another item that becomes normal - indifference fades. It rolls back. Feelings are fleeting; and it seems the absence of such is temporary as well. It is highly recommended to find one’s beliefs and values during our indifference, during that time of muted noise from our spouse.
Find your beliefs, values, and convictions. And live them!
Do not seek complete ‘meh’; it serves you not. Seek desire, passion, life, the reason to get out of bed in the morning; and embrace it. Keep your heart soft and squishy.
Almost four years from BD for me. I hurt terribly. And I did die for a while. It is easy to die for one’s beliefs, it is quite another to live for them.
We let go of our spouse. Let go our anger. Let go that which doesn’t serve us. None of that needs to bring about uncaring. Do not equate whole and healed with needing to be unfeeling or uncaring towards X. In fact, I believe the opposite to be rather true.
It is quite alright to care about X. You are detached and will remain so. You will not remain indifferent. We find our way to let go and care at the same time. Meh, doesn’t cut it. Live a great life. Find acceptance and forgiveness.
Accepting the situation is important and necessary. Detachment and indifference are necessary steps along the path. Acceptance of one’s heart is another huge step along that path.
We all, in time, come to our precipice and mountain. Indifference gives way to our heart’s beliefs. Feelings return. Influence exerts. Choose to climb the mountain and rise. Strengthen those values that serve you. Craft that which you aspire to. And alter or discard that which does not serve you.
In what might sound counterintuitive, when the feelings return, embrace them. For those are beliefs rather than feelings. Our values shine through our indifference. Ensure they are worthy and noble; and let them light your life.
The rumour that your X might marry OW understandably stirred some emotions. Let them flit.
Personally, total detachment sounds cold and dark. Look to, and seek, something better. Let your light shine Hope.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
