In a nutshell, your H has to feel like he is going to lose you and that he's on the clock.
I'm paraphrasing here because it's been awhile since I've read the book "You want your spouse to think you have had an awakening and that you now realize you will be fine with or without them". In essence, let them go.
The 3 times I was able to get my ex to come back was with pitch black no contact. I never fought her on wanting to separate, in fact, I would help her load her car up with her stuff because I wanted her last memory of me to be an easy- going, helpful, excited about the future (fake it til you make it right?) guy. As soon as she would leave, I would fall apart. But I never let her see me sweat.
She would say "this isn't working and I'm going to move out". My response would be "this isn't what I want but I won't fight you". As soon as she would move out, I erased her phone number and went no contact indefinitely. Eventually she would reach out after a few months. One time she even moved to another state and then came back.
