Advice Help Only Please

[may22]

Hi Artemis,

If I were you, I would not research separation or do any work along those lines. If that is what he wants to do, let him do the heavy lifting. I would talk to a L to make sure I had all the facts and was protected in case my H did decide to file for D, but I probably would not take any steps myself towards either S or D. If that means staying in the same house, I'd sleep in the master bedroom and let him sleep on the couch or wherever he wants. I would not text him or call him but I would respond in a friendly way if he reached out to me. I would do my absolute best to stop worrying about him and what he was doing, or not, and focus 100% on myself and my son. Hike, run, pool, zoo-- all sounds great! Exercising is a great way to GAL and can help you burn off some of the anxiety.

Avoid all relationship talks with him and have some set responses if he tries to start "oh, I get that you feel that way, I'm so sorry i gotta run" and exit the room. What is his relationship with your son-- does he consider himself his dad? Would he want some level of visitation rights if you were to split up? Assuming yes and assuming you still stay in the house, maybe you can agree to some days/nights that he watches your kid so that you can get out of the house and GAL. I would not tell him about the biopsy.

Dropping the rope is hard. This is a kind of "fake it til you make it" kind of thing. But you can do it! if he says he wants to continue towards D-- I would tell him, okay. if that is what you want, be my guest. (I would also say we won't be friends but that is me :)) But the key is acting like you don't care and then doing your very best NOT to care by refocusing all your energy on you and getting that independent, fun, athletic Artemis back!

Also... remember, believe nothing of what they say and only half of what they do. I would not believe anything he said about cutting off the OW or wanting to reconcile that night, dated letter or no.

Hang in there!