He wasn't blaming me for being mad at him for cheating, I apologize if I made it come off as him blaming me at that point, he just doesnt believe that we can ever get past it, like for real, with full forgivness and no resentments, and me not feeling the need to spy on him for the rest of our life practically. (I know it would take a lot of work and time but I know I could in time, but there is no point in me telling him that as he'd have to see it not hear it, like we all know)
And No I don't want to separate, and It isn't a legal separation either, more just us separating more then we have such as the not talking as much as we still have and so on. I don't want to separate, but I really don't want to go to a lawyer and start filing for divorce either. I'm very unsure of what to do with this situation, I mean if I tell him I don't want the separation, should I just not do anything and see if he files for divorce? I thought getting him to agree to separate for awhile instead of filing for divorce would be better.... was I wrong???? I'm really trying to do my best here, but I'm obviously still learning.
I use to hike and run way more when my H and I had gotten together, over the years, due to his highly demanding 2 careers i tended to become more of a housewife in the sense that I worked less on things I enjoyed and would do things for my H, like make appointments, take care of insurance things, do things for him, just stuff like that, he liked that I helped but had never asked me to, I just sort of slipped into it I guess. Thats why me getting back to the things I enjoy is so important, i became Extremley dependent upon him over the years, Which drove him a bit crazy and my independence is what he Loved about me in the beginning.
As for this weekend sadly I am working long shifts all weekend. I am considering taking my son to the Zoo sometime next week, and Perhaps take him to the pool one day. Maybe watching a good movie with him, no phone or H in sight. My son is 7, and honestly just about the easiest kid out there, and I know as I've helped a friend practically raise her 4 at times lol, I was lucky with him for sure. My H also bought our son some really great radios the other day so I may try to play with those with him.
I haven't seen anything on here yet about it, but should I tell my H about medical concerns? I recently had something come up in which I am having to get a biopsy done, and I've been torn. I have never lied to my H, but I'm afraid to tell him about this situation. See part of me is concerned that if he knew about the possibility of me being sick he may be kind and come back out of obligation if something is going on, but I don't want him to do this out of obligation. I only want him to reconcile because he sees the changes and wants us to work on his own. But I really don't like not being honest with him about the situation.
